Today marks day #112 since I’ve lost the love of my life and the woman I wanted to marry. The last four months have been nothing short of an agonizing odyssey!! Allow me to preface this by stating that I knew all the risks involved with getting personally involved and attached to a Muslim woman and a coworker. Subconsciously, the way this situation has played out, I instinctively predicted it step by step. Believe me I take zero pleasure in always being right (pertaining to this situation). The elements at play here are extremely complicated. But the end result, whether I saw it coming or not, has been painfully difficult!! I wish I had used better judgment, but when you fall deeply in love with somebody, it’s hard to not have your judgement clouded. I’ve had to watch her marry another man (not literally but you get the point). From what I can see she seems totally miserable. She had stated that she wanted nothing to do with marrying a Middle Eastern Muslim man numerous times. After doing some research and legwork, I can understand why. But the bottom line is that she did!! I have never hated or resented her and I still don’t, nor do I have any desire to do so. I can’t relate to her, I think ultimately she did it because it was her fathers wishes, and not to mention her religion strictly forbids intimacy unless you’re married. So I imagine there’s guilt stemming from that as well. I’ll never truly know exactly why I lost her, closure isn’t something one is entitled to. All I know is I’m hurting and hurting very badly!! I miss her every day and it’s all become overwhelming!! There are said to be stages of grieving. I don’t know if I’ll truly get past stage one!!