“In a State Of Grief, and Feeling Hopeless”

Relationships fail all the time. They fail for many different reasons. People fall in and out of love, things happen. Most of us will at some point experience heartbreak, and in my case, several heartbreaks. This most recent one however, is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. About ten years ago, my engagement and longest relationship (still to this day) ended. I was devistated!! I was also 19 years old. It took a good while, but I recovered and eventually moved on. This one is so different in so many ways!! The love I felt for Shams is unlike anything I have ever felt for any girl I’ve ever dated or fallen in love with!! I loved her unconditionally and very, very, deeply!! I knew all of the risks associated with falling for someone like her. She’s from another country and is a Muslim woman who’s never had a boyfriend prior to me. I knew that her father wanted nothing to do with accepting me period. I knew that was always going to be the case, but when you truly love someone like I loved her, you do the best you can and try not to worry about the things you can’t control. Needless to say however, as time went on I could see it was starting to weigh heavily on her. From the moment she had decided to be honest with her father about our relationship, he wasted no time in voicing his disapproval. It didn’t matter how much we loved each other, it didn’t matter how well I treated her and made her happy. All that mattered to him was that I was an outsider!! I was a “non-believing American, and it’s shameful for his daughter to be with someone like me!!” She always had to look over her shoulder, because if anyone of Middle Eastern decent spotted us together, she was afraid that they would immediately report it to her father. These are all things I can’t control. We broke up in March. It’s now late June and she has just married someone else. Even though she on numerous occasions (including telling her father) stated that she wants nothing to do with marrying one of her own, she unsurprisingly has done just that. We are still coworkers. And in the past week she has been a mess. Having anxiety attacks, and seems very distressed. I still care about her, even though I am completely powerless!! This shouldn’t have turned out this way!! It torments me every waking moment of my existence!! I have never been more depressed, more heartbroken, more grief stricken in my entire life!! It truly feels like this pain will never go away or even slowly become manageable over time. I understand I’m not entitled to any sort of closure. Losing the love of my life this way, is something I’d never wish on anyone!! 

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Author: jfranchise87

I'm just an average guy who is always looking to express himself and his creativity. I enjoy writing, I am an avid reader and love to learn new things everyday.

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